Happy New Year!
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: radio on colleague's desk
Topic: journal
It's been hectic. Christmas was a peaceful time, we spent it at Kalle's grandparents'. After Christmas came news about the tsunami and I am grateful for not personally knowing anyone that has been affected by the terrible catastrophy.

We have been building the house and moving in at the same time. Yesterday we had a van plus some friends and my brother to help us. Kalle took the day off work. The weather was awful: rainy and windy. Just the same kind of weather we had a couple of weeks ago when Kalle's friends were helping us. We have moved for 3 separate days now and there is still loads of stuff in our old apartment... Maybe once more with a trailer and then we'll call a moving service to pick up our sofas and the bed.

There are still many things to do before we can move in officially. The kitchen is not ready and we have a lot of paneling to do on the ceilings. Yesterday evening we had our guests sit on the heaps of ceiling panels by the hearth. Cosy! :)

I was going to write about my inability lately to take interest in other matters than myself and us, but now I notice I just can't be bothered. *sigh*

A funeral in Oulu
Topic: journal
My grandmother died a week ago on Saturday morning. Yesterday was her funeral. I didn't cry until it was time to leave from her apartment for the last time. I sat on her rocking chair and thought how many times she had sat there and looked at these walls and out of the window...

I don't have a base in Oulu anymore. A couple of relatives live there, but they are not a base. My grandmother has lived in the same apartment on Salmelantie for 32 years. It is a nice apartment, too, and I shall miss it when it is sold. It is a spaceous 2 rooms and kitchen with views overlooking the river Oulu on the other side and the municipal prison and the center of Oulu on the balcony side.

There was no sorrow in my grandmother's passing away. I went to see her at the chappel before the ceremony began and she didn't look pretty. She still looked like she was in pain even when she was dead. Not at all like my demented aunt when I saw her before her funeral - she looked young and calm, all the muscles had relaxed on her face.

I had no problems singing at the chappel - I felt like I was on duty and I just did my best. I hope she could hear me and I really hope she is in heaven now, with my grandfather. My mother had found a really nice Finnish poem for the memorial. Eeva Kilpi has written it for her own mother and it was very fitting. The memorial was after the ceremony and after a hearty meal that was a specific request from my grandmother.

After the memorial all of my grandmother's children and their families went to spend the evening at my grandmother's apartment, until most of us had to leave for the night train to Helsinki.

Oh yeah, and it's my and my husband's birthday today. Our relatives sang "Happy birthday" on the train this morning just before we got out. So you could say the funeral trip ended on a happy note... :)

Paying friendship forward
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Street Time
Topic: deepthought
I hope the reader is familiar with the idea of Paying It Forward. Everybody should consider the idea of helping a perfect stranger without wanting anything in return, except the promise (s)he will in turn help three perfect strangers, given the opportunity.

Today, I'm thinking of my friends. Sometimes it feels I get more from someone than what I would be even able to give back. Sometimes something I've done for a friend gets much more appreciation than I never would have expected.

But friendship is more than a mutual exchange of favours, isn't it? If I heard someone did something just so they could expect a favour in return, I would consider it a business relationship.

You don't expect favours from friends. But you give favours whenever it feels the right thing to do and only when you feel you can do it without bitterness. That way you can't get into debt. And you should not make a friend owe you, either. If someone feels that way, you could just ask them to pay friendship forward three times and that's it.

:)
Now Playing: TV Nation
Topic: me, myself and us
I can feel some movement going on in my lower stomack. I've felt the same already a couple of nights before going to sleep, but I'm certain this is it now.

Unfair
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: MTV Europe Music Awards
Topic: journal
It's quite unfair that sick, old people can't get away even if they have no desire to live. What kind of a life if suffering from day to day, feeling that you are a nuisance and being the greatest source of stress to your own children that live hundredrs of kilometres away and still want to come visit you as often as they can?

I phoned to my mother yesterday and heard that my hospitalized, almost deaf and almost blind grandmother has began losing her mind as well. All she does apparently is mumble the Lord's Prayer over and over again with a very tired voice.

Since my grandmother has had cancer (on and off for many years now) I can't remember a discussion with her that hasn't contained the words "Kun paasisi jo taalta pois" = "I wish to get away from here already/I wish to be dead".

Lite svenska ocks?
Mood:  chatty
Topic: svenska
Jag kanner ingenting. Man borde ju kanna rorelser, nar man ar 22 veckor gravid?

Alts? vi hade en av v?ra svenska kvallar igen p? lordag. Kalle kunde inte komma, for hans kravande arbete kravde honom. Vi hade kopt biljetter till Svenskan och lyckligt May var fri s? hon kunde anvanda Kalle's biljett. Hon kom ocks? till Harjutori och motte hela gruppen dar s? vi kunde varma spr?ket lite vid glogggrytan.

Pjasen var Mobile Horror. Den basta beh?llningen var en naken kille p? estraden. Sk?desspelarna gjorde inga rorande intryck for oss. Borjan var tr?kig och sluten br?dstortad. Karaktarerna var inte tillrackligt typbestamda.

Publiken var overraskande f?talig. I varje fall var det nyttig att vi var dar och stodde Finlands svenska kultur!

Now Playing: Alias
Topic: me, myself and us
I've had trouble sleeping because of a dry cough that began two nights ago. It's that annoying kind of cough that feels like there's dust in your throat and you wake up coughing and it won't stop.

It's not unusual for me to have this kind of cough this time of year so I had a medicine called Toclase and I took it so I could sleep. The next day of course I checked if it was OK for pregnant women, and no, it was not. Actually, there is not a single cough medicine suitable for pregnant women. Shit! Are we supposed to not be sick while we carry a child?

Anyway, I went to the pharmacy and they sold me Resilar, that says very cautiously: "when pregnant, you may use this under a bad cough attack, but remember it is not recommended to use any medicine when pregnant.". My thoughts are there must not be very much research behind these kind of sort of "at your own risk" -warnings. You just have to figure out which is worse for your child: that mom wakes up coughing every night, or a dose of mildly CNS effective medicine. What a fucking choise is that to be made on your own?



- - -

This is the tip of an iceberg. There was recently an article in the biggest Finnish newspaper about how children need more medicines that are expecially designed and tested for children. For instance cancer medication is designed for adults and nobody really knows whether they are really suitable for children and what is the suitable dosage. You just have to use them instead of nothing at all!

Also, there has been debate in an Finnish science journal, that women and men need their own medicinal research and specializing.

- - -

I've had nosebleeds again, yesterday morning and today again. At least this time they were not spontaneous, I was blowing my nose. I've took an iron tablet in addition to the multivitamin I take every day - at least there should be no harm in that after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

...cont'd...
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my reward: our godson did not want to leave when their parents were getting ready to go home! He didn't want to leave. Awesome. :)

Babysitting
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Groove FM on neighbour's desk
Topic: journal
Yesterday Kalle and I took a day off work. But I'm exhausted!

Niina and Timo were helping us panel our kitchen ceiling. They were with us from early morning until late evening. The work was not easy, so their experience and handiness was greatly appreciated!

As I'm the least gifted carpenter of the four of us, we decided it was best for me to babysit our 3-year-old "godchild" (not christened, so how do you call them?) and his 5 months old little brother so the more gifted ones could work. Their mother of course took regular breaks to breastfeed the younger(and to change nappies at the same time - thank god).

Although my day started by failing miserably and yelling at the older boy because he didn't obey, the rest of the babysit went well. I thus officially thank the inventor of Babybjorn baby carrier! The little one stopped crying immediately when you put him in the sack at your bust and carried him around. I could even bake a cake while the older one took his nap.

While both were awake it was constant work. You had to be on the alert the whole time and you just couldn't concentrate on anything, they both needed constant attention!

When they had left and I had cleared up the mess at the building site and when we had welcomed staircase carpenters from Uurainen... I went to bed and tried to sleep. It was not easy because I was still listening whether I hear a child cry somewhere and need my attention. The crushing amount of responsibility hadn't left me yet.

Anyone who has ever babysitted probably know this exhaustion. 10 hours was more than enough even if the children are such darlings as these two. They were EASY to babysit! But this was my first episode of babysitting, I tell you. So it certainly was worth a journal entry.

Outcome: I might or might not be fit for a mother.

Analyzing people
Topic: journal
I have a lot to write about, but I've got to know how to be smart about it. There's no big THING going on that I haven't already been commenting here, rather a myriad of little going-ons that I would like to include in my journal. After all, I might find pleasure or learn something in reading this when time has passed.

About the dream Hidden Rooms, I got a solid explanation from a friend: motherhood might be the hidden room that has always been in me but has never been explored and there are useful things to be found in myself yet...

A lot of friends are going through change: some are moving to new apartments and some just reflecting their past and exploring their dreams. Fulfilling dreams is also a theme this fall. Dreams that are work-related, life-long or very fragile. Some are going to fulfill their dreams with their current partners but I'm not sure everyone will.

Sometimes me and my husband cannot agree about our friends. I think people need to be relly mean to me before I can see anything bad in them. I detect flaws, of course, but it's just that I have so many of them myself. How could I reject someone that wants to be my friend only because they have flaws? I might have to confront some issues sooner or later about their conduct.

There are certainly some issues in the partnership of a couple near to us. I can understand why they are together, but that doesn't mean they are good for each other.